Fragile
by pluto-mint
Summary: Raito realize the sacrifice to be made in being a God. LRaito shounen ai. Set after ch.59. Read and review please.


Disclaimer: Okay, Death Note and related characters isn't mine as much as I'd love them to be. Fragile 

A Death Note fanfiction by pluto-mint

**Rating: **T

**Warning: **A slight mention of shounen ai and spoiler.

**Summary: **Raito finally realize the sacrifice to be made in being a God.

Fragile 

I 

**_Human being is interesting_**

It's already raining down when you reach the traffic junction just a few blocks away from the apartment building. Your shoes squishing out a little (as they're soaked by the rain) and splattering the sidewalk each time you take a single step. It's cold and wet and you want nothing more than to get your toes snuggled up into the warmth of a duvet. But as it is, you are here, standing under the rain with your coat clinging tightly into your skin. You feel cold and you curse the rain for making you like this.

Being among these overcrowded people doesn't help it a lot either—it irritated you a little how they always manage to tip your shoulder off a little every time they crash themselves into you. Under this heavy rain, these people are still trying their hardest to ignore each other even when they're colliding with one another. And those who are fortunate enough to have themselves sheltered by their umbrellas are too busy in keeping themselves dry. Human is such an egoistical creature.

It's such a wonder how these humans still manage to reserve their existence in this pitiful planet. Well… maybe not for long anyway. With all that war and rage, it wouldn't be such a big surprise to know that humans would be a history before the next millennium come. Their hatred would be a weapon powerful enough for them to kill each other. Human is such a pathetic creature.

But then again, not all human happen to be that way. There are, of course, some exceptional cases. As a matter of fact—as odd as it may sounds—you **do** still believe that most humans are never really build that way. Human, like any other creature, was bent and folded by imperfect hands, imperfect life, imperfect surroundings, or to put it quite simply they're build by imperfection. Human is not a perfect creature, God is.

And that's why human needed God to save them. And God will save them indeed.

But will it be worth it to save such creature like human? You don't really have the answer for that question. But then again you don't really think that you need any reason to do so. Any either way you are still Kira, the God of the new world.

**II**

**_I wanted you to be Kira_**

Being Kira, of course, has its own consequences. Like, for instance, how you always felt that surge of power every time you lay your fingers into the torn pages of the death note. It feels amazing to have the knowledge that you are holding someone's destiny just by knowing one's face and name.

It is the death note that gave you such inhuman power. Despite its rumored existence, the death note is, like the rain that still fell so heavily around you, real. It is a solid truth that you, along with a selected few, know all too well. And the rest is just like what they used to say, isn't it? Knowledge does hold such power.

But still, the death note cannot help the fact that the path to your own godliness didn't really went quite smoothly. It seems to you that fate won't let you up so easily. There are obstacles of course. Some obstacles, like Misa, are easy for you to eliminate. But some just don't. Like him.

L. Ryuuzaki. Or whatever he may call himself.

Sometimes you wonder how could such an ordinary human dared to defy you.

It's been a tough battle. But you win anyway. He is, after all, only a loner youth, whose skills of deduction and knowledge so amazing, whose determination so intense, who's so persistent in trying to achieve his goal.

Now that you think of it, it's so funny how the both of you were so alike each other in so many ways and yet also so sharply different with one another in so many ways. It almost seemed that Kami-sama created the two of you to complete each other.

Maybe he was your equal.

Or maybe not.

No. He's definitely not your equal. For he isn't a God like you; he's only a mere human, whose life was finally taken by your own hand. But still, to call him an ordinary human would be degrading your own godliness. He was, after all, the only person who almost managed to have your self revealed before the world. He even dared to stop you.

Him, with all of his ideals was there to catch you, to make you stop, to prove that justice will prevail. But he couldn't do that. He was only a human after all. Doesn't he know how impossible it is for a human to defy a God? It was a pure lunacy.****He himself was a complete lunacy.

And why did he have to defy you anyway? As a claimed supporter of justice, he himself should've known that Kira only punished those who deserved it. You only bring the justice back on earth. You only kill those who deserved to be killed.

And now look what that got him now. A murky place, located six feet below the earth for defying your power.

Despite all of his genius, he was stupid.

Stupid human.

Stupid human for trusting you that much not to let his logic took over himself. Stupid human for calling you as his first friend. It was very stupid indeed.

**III**

**_So I wasn't wrong… but I…_**

The rain starts to slow, but it doesn't really stop. It begins to drizzle like a certain night in your past. The rain was there, as it always was, and making that night a little bit colder, a little more lonely with the moon hidden ever so carefully behind the rain's heavy grey cloud. It was there in your past.**_ He_** was there in your past, inside your carefully reserved memory.

Which memory you wonder, is it inside the memory in which you are still human? Or is it inside the memory of you who's becoming a God? It almost felt surreal.

The rain gives you no answer; instead it brings out the chilling wind that bites your skin. You are cold. And it was so unlike the way you felt on that moonless night.

It was a warm night albeit the drizzling rain that fell upon it. The room was also warm. And so did he. Dimly, you can still remember the way his face being illuminated by the monitor light, or how he had smiled so subtly when he noticed the irritated look on your face for having a crammed back after being forced to sleep in a chair. All of that happened just because he refused to go sleeping in such ungodly hour. It was 2 a.m in the morning for God's sake, and yet he still refused to leave the computer.

You remember glaring at him while muttering such unflattering names toward him. He only shrugged as he always does, before shuffled his feet toward the bedroom. There was that clanging sounds of steel against steel every time you took a step.

The both of you had entered the bedroom with him still clutching his laptop carefully. And since he chained himself to you, the bedroom was never exclusively yours—for the two of you have to share the same bed every night. You were never really like the sleeping arrangement back then, it was… of course becoming quite discomforting for you to sleep with someone whose eyes were haunting your sleep. If he hadn't chained your wrist with his, you would have kicked him out of the room right away.

He might have sensed your uneasiness that night, for he had stopped abruptly before the two of you reach the bed and turned to ask, "Raito-kun, which sides do you want to be in?"

You were slightly taken aback by his words. What did he mean by that? Was he talking about the sleeping arrangement, or was he implying to something bigger? And why does it always end up this way? This twisted mind games you play, with warring hearts hidden in the dark

But you were too tired to play that night. And so you took the easy way out and shook your head to clear up your mind. Deciding how stupid the question was, given to the condition of your chained wrist, you answered him in an exasperated tone, "Ryuuzaki, I don't think we have the privilege to choose right now."

"Right."

You still can remember how warm the bed was back then. And then there was something comforting about the sound of the raindrops pattering against the window glass along with the soft humming sound of the computer as you lay your head against the soft mound of pillows. And he was there beside you, tapping his fingers at his laptop, never removing his eyes from the monitor. The constant tapping sound had made you feel irritated for some unknown reason.

You remember asking him to sleep. And then he's looking at you with some odd look in his face before muttering softly, "I can't. Kira is still out there."

He was a hopeless case. Sighing in defeat, you had told him not too obsessing Kira too much. "Kira only killed the bad guys. So stop obsessing too much, Ryuuzaki. Go to sleep. I hardly see anything wrong with that."

The tapping sound had stopped as he turned his gaze to you. He carefully put the laptop on the nightstand, and began to chew his thumb in a thoughtful expression. After a minute of silence he finally responded, "You know, saying such thing will only makes my suspicion go higher."

The glare you gave him must've been too soft for he only shrugged and said, "I won't let him kill anymore. There's nothing right in killing another human, either the person is bad or good."

"And why is that so?" It was so unlike you back then, you are never someone to pin out such deep and philosophical thing. But then again the rain must've made you went a little crazy that night.

"Because…," he had said this with his body still swaying back and forth, "It is wrong to make someone sad."

"I don't think anyone would be sad if those people were killed."

"Do they? I don't know, I just think that maybe… someone somewhere must've missed them when they're gone."

"Does it ever occur to you that maybe such person doesn't deserve to be loved?"

It's true. How could someone love a murderer? How could someone accept a person whose hands were tainted by blood?

"And do you think Kira deserve that kind of affection either? He was just like his victims, a killer. But Kira, and his victims, are only humans. Despite all of the crimes they'd committed in the past, they're just ordinary people who want to be known, to be acknowledged by the world. To exist."

Those words were said in a barely audible tone, but you still can hear those words on some rainy nights. And, somehow, you still can feel his lingering presence on one of those nights.

"What if Kira is a God? Maybe he's some kind of shinigami sent to clean and purify the earth." You remember saying this line stubbornly. For some reason you can barely remember why.

And it was after some kind of deep pondering, Ryuuzaki had finally said, "No. I don't think Kira is a God. If Kira is some kind of God, then he wouldn't be hesitating in killing those people whom he held so dear. You… I don't think you would kill your own father. And I don't think you would kill me that easily"

Ryuuzaki went silent before adding the words in an almost whispering tone, "… I don't think I could kill you for being Kira, Raito-kun."

**IV**

**_Because Raito-kun… is the first friend I've ever had!_**

_"… I don't think I could kill you for being Kira, Raito-kun."_

It's funny how the time had seemed to stand still when he said those words. It was like everything had faded into nothingness. The rain seemed so distant and there's nothing left in this world but you and him.

He was staring at you with an undecipherable look in his eyes before turning his gaze to the window. For that split second you didn't know what to think and so you took your gaze to the ceiling above you. Your mind had gone blank; there's something that stirred inside of you, and you felt yourself lost inside the depth of some foreign emotions that's been awakened by his words. It must've been the rain that made you like that.

The drops of rain were still pattering the window glass when the silence had finally been broken, "Kira… is just like you, or me, or anyone of us. Do you find it possible for Kira to live alone, to close his heart from another human? Such person could never feel love. Such person could never be loved. And such person could never exist."

His words, they're still haunting you even until now. And it was on that moment, you finally realized the sacrifice to be made in becoming a God for the first time. You must never love another person, another human. Just like what those shinigami do.

"Ryuuzaki…" You were afraid back then, feeling so vulnerable and weak. You remember feeling so human.

He had chuckled ever so softly before resting his head against the pillows. And as he did so, you felt his skin brushing lightly against your skin. You can remember feeling warm, safe, and secured in that fleeting moment. Funny, how a single touch can make you feel like that.

"Human cannot bear such loneliness, Raito-kun. Only God can do so. Kira is only a human. He needed another person to exist. That's why someone would be grieving over him when he dies, and that's why he too would grieve when that certain someone dies."

But oh he didn't know how wrong he is. You didn't even shed your tears for him. You felt nothing for you **are** a God. And ironically, it was he who had made you like this. He had completed your godliness without even knowing it. He was wrong from the very start.

When Rem killed him, you are becoming a God because there is no one left for you then. You are completely left alone. He was, after all, the closest person to your godliness. And when you killed him, you know—albeit you can never quite fathom the reasons—that you have accepted your fate, in which you are bound to be isolated forever, with no one to be your equal and no one to know who you really are. And only God can bear such loneliness.

But that would do just fine. Misa would be a replacement sufficient enough for you. Misa knows everything and Misa doesn't complain. She adores you and worships you. She's even willing to do anything for you. And even if Misa doesn't understand you like he does, but it's still all right anyway.

You know that everything is all right. The numbers of crime is slowly beginning to decrease. And life has gone as it used to be. All is almost perfect, quiet, calm, and peaceful.

There's nothing to worry about. Because there's no one to put his eyes on you, no one to eat the bowl of cherries you always place above the coffee table each morning, and most certainly, there isn't any certain raven haired youth who had once said to you, "Kira is wrong because every time someone's getting killed, another person would be grieving for him, another person would be crying for him.

… I know I would if you die, Raito-kun."

The rain, the moonless sky, the night, his words, him… they are still haunting you. But you'll live; you'll get through. You are a God. You don't need anyone to exist. Not even him.

**V**

**_Justice will prevail_**

The rain is still falling ever so softly. You are soaking wet and you don't care. The taxi driver is blowing his horn, and people brushing against you, ignoring you, making you feel completely left alone.

Human needed another human to exist.

The thought had made you feel a little bit colder somehow.

You look up into the almost night sky above you; the moon should be rising in a few minutes. The droplets of rain fell into your face. And something warm sliding to your cheek, seeping through your lips. Funny. The rain never tastes this bitter before.

Fin

**Omake: **

He might have sensed Raito's uneasiness that night, for L had stopped abruptly before the they both reach the bed and turned to ask, "Raito-kun, which sides do you want to be in?"

Raito was slightly taken aback by his words. What did he mean by that? Was he talking about the sleeping arrangement, or was he implying to something bigger? And why does it always end up this way? This twisted mind games they play, with warring hearts hidden in the dark

But the chocolate haired youth were too tired to play that night. And so he took the easy way out and shook his pretty head to clear up his mind. Deciding how stupid the question was, given to the condition of their chained wrist, he answered the raven haired youth in an exasperated tone, "Ryuuzaki, I don't think we have the privilege to choose right now."

"Right... Well as I expected the hand cuff tells just about everything and since you're probably Kira... Then I'll play the cop and you play the bad guy."

"..."

A/N: Yay! I finish a fic after a very long break. Saaa, I don't know if there's anyone who will review this.. since this is the first time I write a fanfic on this fandom. So... please be kind to me and write down your review pleaaaaase! And oh yeah, the omake thing wasn't exactly original either, credits for SF (one of my fav author) who had been putting the omake's part on her adorable Hakkai-Sanzo fanfic.


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